November 1987

Since this was the first issue of Skarfing Material that I remember actually making when I was a kid, I felt it was only fitting to start this project with these recipes. They were every bit as horrible as I remembered.

First up was the BLOOD AND GORE DIP, which was pretty simple and actually rather tasty. It's just cream cheese and picante sauce, so you can't really go wrong. I mashed it up "real good" with a fork, but it was still kinda lumpy and there were big chunks of cream cheese. Still, it was definitely the most palatable of these three recipes.

The ingredients for BLOOD AND GORE DIP

...and the final result

Next I made SPUDS MACSKATER. First attempt was a failure, as the instructions didn't clearly say to bake the potato first. I got another potato and baked it for almost two hours before I commenced with the recipe. Cutting a "hot dog shaped hole" in the potato proved to be tougher than I thought, and the potato broke in two. I did the best I could to hollow it out and put it back together, then let the Bud Light soak in. After the 20 minute cooking time, I was left with a pretty bland baked potato with a hot dog and some gross runny yellow liquid that tasted like neither cheese nor beer. The recipe never said what to do with the hot sauce, so I added it at the end. It didn't help much.

Ingredients for SPUDS MACSKATER

...and the end result

Finally, it was time for OLLIE EGGS. The recipe calls for "hickory sauce". I have no fucking clue what hickory sauce is, and neither does Google. I finally settled on KC Masterpiece Hickory and Brown Sugar BBQ sauce, mainly because it was the only thing in the store that had both the words "hickory" and "sauce" on the label. I followed the too-simple directions and ended up with a lumpy yellow slop that had the consistency of oatmeal. The brown sugar in the BBQ sauce really threw everything off, giving the Cheez-Whizzy eggs a sickly sweet, almost vomitous flavor. I was able to choke down a few bites before I gave it to my dog, and even he ate it with reluctance.

Ingredients for OLLIE EGGS

...and the end result

Peeber "enjoying" some OLLIE EGGS